Dear Daddy,
I can't believe that is has been six months since you left. We are half way through the first half of the year. I wanted to take some time to reflect on that I have learned these last six months.
You were the best thing that happened in my life. You made life sweet.
My relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ has grown tremendously.
Serving others and helping others makes me feel good.
I am doing what is necessary to have our family sealed in the temple.
I can choose to try to be happy. I can try to keep a positive attitude.
I am in control of my life and my emotions (well most of the time).
It is ok to have fun and let loose sometimes.
It is OK to eat chocolate for dinner.
It is OK to let your kids eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.
It is OK to get only a few hours of sleep at night.
Grieving isn't easy, it is a real difficult thing to get through some days.
I can do hard things.
Being a single parent is difficult.
Raising kids who are grieving and missing their Daddy is painful.
I have learned that a house is really quiet when kids are sleeping.
I have learned how to journal
I have learned how to live life knowing and believing that someday I will see you again.
I have learned that this will be a lifelong journey.
I wish you were here so I didn't have to learn these things on my own. I want you to know that our children are my number one priority and I would do anything for them. I see you in our children and that keeps me going. That beautiful gift is the reason I wake up in the morning and what puts a smile on my face. You will never be forgotten, you are cherished and held in my heart each day.
I love you to heaven and back.
Love, Stephanie
Our Forever Family
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Missing you
Dear Scotty,
I miss you here with us. I miss you sweet voice, your beautiful laugh, the way you would tease me until I would get so annoyed and yell at you. I miss your feet rubbing against mine in bed at night. I miss your dirty lunchbox on the kitchen counter after a long days work. I miss everything about you. We are going on but not without pain. I miss my Scotty. Our kids miss their Daddy. Today they were especially needing you. They must be missing you because they have been really clingy and don't want to share me with anyone. I want you here with me so bad, I don't know how to deal with it at times. I know Heavenly Father needed you to be called home to complete your mission with him. I am trying to work through the "why me, Why now?". This life was way to short for you but I know you are doing what you are meant to be doing. I am holding on to the faith that I will see you very soon and we can finish spending eternity together. Please save a place for me. Your place is in my heart. I love you.
Love your wife, Steph
I miss you here with us. I miss you sweet voice, your beautiful laugh, the way you would tease me until I would get so annoyed and yell at you. I miss your feet rubbing against mine in bed at night. I miss your dirty lunchbox on the kitchen counter after a long days work. I miss everything about you. We are going on but not without pain. I miss my Scotty. Our kids miss their Daddy. Today they were especially needing you. They must be missing you because they have been really clingy and don't want to share me with anyone. I want you here with me so bad, I don't know how to deal with it at times. I know Heavenly Father needed you to be called home to complete your mission with him. I am trying to work through the "why me, Why now?". This life was way to short for you but I know you are doing what you are meant to be doing. I am holding on to the faith that I will see you very soon and we can finish spending eternity together. Please save a place for me. Your place is in my heart. I love you.
Love your wife, Steph
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Our adventures in dirtbiking
Uncle John and his cousin Tim chasing, and coaching Madison on her first adventure around the dirt bike track.
Uncle John giving Madison some assistance to get going.
Coaching and teaching Madison how to ride.
One time around the track was enough
The boys playing in their fort
Carson and his best friend Max.
Who is ready to ride, thumbs up!
John and Carson
John and Carson
I wanna ride too.
Boys will be boys and play in the dirt
Carson on the hill that he was nervous about at first but couldn't get enough
Uncle John taking Jack for a spin.
Dear Daddy,
Well it is official, your kids have had their first real experience with dirt biking. John has really gone out of his way to show your sweet babies love and teach them new things. I can remember when you were in the hospital John promised to take care of the kids and he truly has been there for them. He took the boys out dirt biking last weekend and they had a great time. Carson wanted to jump the hill to get up to heaven to bring you home. Jack wanted to go again and again. It takes a great friend and brother in law to really step it up and do things that you would have normally done. I wish it were you taking the kids for a spin on your quad, I wish you were here to watch and encourage them to try and get out there and have fun. I am so very grateful for Stacey and John, they love our kids and it truly shows. I am glad he kept his promise to take care of your children, I feel he is doing a wonderful job. Can't wait for him to teach the boys how to go fishing.
We went over to Karen and Johnnys for SuperBowl Sunday. We didn't watch the game, I always hated that part. At half time we went outside and watched the boys ride their dirt bikes. Madison wanted a ride so Uncle John gave her a spin. She was very trusting and brave to do this. Madison has always been so reserved, still is. She then later decided that she wanted to do it all by herself. I would not consider our daughter a brave, outgoing adventure seeker. She is very content usually watching these types of activities or simply writing about them. I figured if she wanted to try then she should. John and his cousin Tim chased her around so that she would feel safe and secure. She wasn't the best dirt biker and I am ok with that. I admire John for trying to teach her, but love his comment "Keep practicing on your bicycle." You would have been so proud watching her. Please continue to watch over us and keep us safe on our adventures her on Earth. We miss you dearly but are trying to make the most of our time here on Earth. We will have plenty of stories of our adventures to share with you when we see you again.
Love, Mommy
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
We r doing okay
Dear Scotty,
We are still painfully missing you each day but we find the strength each day to get through all of it. So much has changed since u left. We survived the holidays it wasnt the same without you, seemed all too unreal to me Me and the kids are living in a huge, beautiful, fun house. The kids love to get in the hot tub and go swimming. They can't wait to be able to swim in the big pool. Here are some of the wonderful things Our kids have been doing to make me proud. I think u would be proud too
Madison- absolutely loves school, she is so smart. I heard her counting by 10's all the way to 1000 a few weeks ago. She is my super helper. Tonight she got all the kids in the bath by herself and washed everyone's hair and scrubbed them up because I hurt my back. She still loves paper. Her newest favorite past time is cutting confetti, I find little scraps of paper all over the house but i can't complain because it brings her much joy. She is getting so tall and beautiful. It is hard to believe that she will be 6 years old next month. Her heart still belongs to you. She longs for her daddy's hugs and kisses. She longs for your lap to curl up in and watch tv. She talks a lot about you. Last night i caught her calling you on your cell phone She couldn't understand why you didn't answer.
Carson - he is growing up right before my eyes. He still beats up on his brother quite often. He is learning so much at preschool. He loves going and doesn't give me any trouble when I drop him off in the mornings. He can recognize most letters in the alphabet and can spell his name as well as his brothers name. He loves to play outside. This afternoon we were playing out front and riding bikes. He can ride his big wheel bike so fast that I can only imagine he got that from you. He has never been a real affectionate kid but recently he has been so cute with me. He is so affe tionate to me and I love it. He wants you to come back and I think with time he will understand it is not that easy.
Jackson - what a big boy, we moved and got rid of the high chair and crib. He sleeps in his "big boy bed" quite well. He is talking so much and saying so many cute things. He loves to whisper "hi Mommy" in my ear and kiss me. He loves his grandpa more than anyone else right now. He loves to follow his big brother around and copy everything he says. He is very strong and sticks up for himself. I have had to break up a few fist fights between the boys but not too many. He is our angel, sweet as can be. When someone knocks at the door he will sometimes run to the door screaming "dada". It breaks my heart that it isn't you but brings me joy all the excitement he has in his voice for his daddy.
I am so happy to have three kids to love and have the constant reminder of our love for each other. We have beautiful kids. I am proud to be their mommy. I miss you every day. I have had a few days where I haven't cried just thinking of you or imaging your voice in my head. I don't want to ever forget your voice. It took me almost 4 months to cancel your cell phone because I liked to hear you say your own name on your voicemail. I know it is silly but I enjoyed leaving you voicemail messages.
With a new year Always comes new goals. My goal for 2012 is to find happiness and provide opportunities for our kids to experience joy. I am going to live my life with my head up and proud. I know heavenly father had a plan for us. I still don't know why you left but have faith that someday I will see the reason. You are still my one and only sweetheart and my heart will never be the same. I love you Scotty. I wish I knew what you were doing in heaven and how you are. I know I will see you someday until then. Love ya
We are still painfully missing you each day but we find the strength each day to get through all of it. So much has changed since u left. We survived the holidays it wasnt the same without you, seemed all too unreal to me Me and the kids are living in a huge, beautiful, fun house. The kids love to get in the hot tub and go swimming. They can't wait to be able to swim in the big pool. Here are some of the wonderful things Our kids have been doing to make me proud. I think u would be proud too
Madison- absolutely loves school, she is so smart. I heard her counting by 10's all the way to 1000 a few weeks ago. She is my super helper. Tonight she got all the kids in the bath by herself and washed everyone's hair and scrubbed them up because I hurt my back. She still loves paper. Her newest favorite past time is cutting confetti, I find little scraps of paper all over the house but i can't complain because it brings her much joy. She is getting so tall and beautiful. It is hard to believe that she will be 6 years old next month. Her heart still belongs to you. She longs for her daddy's hugs and kisses. She longs for your lap to curl up in and watch tv. She talks a lot about you. Last night i caught her calling you on your cell phone She couldn't understand why you didn't answer.
Carson - he is growing up right before my eyes. He still beats up on his brother quite often. He is learning so much at preschool. He loves going and doesn't give me any trouble when I drop him off in the mornings. He can recognize most letters in the alphabet and can spell his name as well as his brothers name. He loves to play outside. This afternoon we were playing out front and riding bikes. He can ride his big wheel bike so fast that I can only imagine he got that from you. He has never been a real affectionate kid but recently he has been so cute with me. He is so affe tionate to me and I love it. He wants you to come back and I think with time he will understand it is not that easy.
Jackson - what a big boy, we moved and got rid of the high chair and crib. He sleeps in his "big boy bed" quite well. He is talking so much and saying so many cute things. He loves to whisper "hi Mommy" in my ear and kiss me. He loves his grandpa more than anyone else right now. He loves to follow his big brother around and copy everything he says. He is very strong and sticks up for himself. I have had to break up a few fist fights between the boys but not too many. He is our angel, sweet as can be. When someone knocks at the door he will sometimes run to the door screaming "dada". It breaks my heart that it isn't you but brings me joy all the excitement he has in his voice for his daddy.
I am so happy to have three kids to love and have the constant reminder of our love for each other. We have beautiful kids. I am proud to be their mommy. I miss you every day. I have had a few days where I haven't cried just thinking of you or imaging your voice in my head. I don't want to ever forget your voice. It took me almost 4 months to cancel your cell phone because I liked to hear you say your own name on your voicemail. I know it is silly but I enjoyed leaving you voicemail messages.
With a new year Always comes new goals. My goal for 2012 is to find happiness and provide opportunities for our kids to experience joy. I am going to live my life with my head up and proud. I know heavenly father had a plan for us. I still don't know why you left but have faith that someday I will see the reason. You are still my one and only sweetheart and my heart will never be the same. I love you Scotty. I wish I knew what you were doing in heaven and how you are. I know I will see you someday until then. Love ya
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