Missing you

Dear Daddy, 
     We are all missing you and wishing you were here.  I am trying to do my best with all of my responsibilities as a mother of three beautiful children.  They are so precious to me and I know they were to you too.  Here are some of the silly things that have been happening around here.

Carson has decided we need to buy a house in heaven so we can come visit.  He was wondering if any are for sale up there?  When we were driving home from school today, he truly was serious about buying a house in heaven.  He wants to learn to fly so he can come and visit you.  Carson is doing well in school.  He hates handwriting but has at least agreed to sit with the other kids and attempt to complete all the stations.  He actually naps at school.  Can you believe our boy who has refused to nap for almost 2 years is one of the first ones to fall asleep each day.  He talks about his friends, he must have a thing for girls, he loves to play with the girls and is especially fond of a little girl named Mckenzie (Bakenzie). 

Madison is doing so well in school.  I went to her parent teacher conference last week and was surprised how well she is doing.  She loves school.  Tonight she read me five books, 2 times each.  They were books they made at school but she was able tor read them all herself.  She wrote her numbers from 1 to 121 yesterday without any mistakes.  She can count to 100 by ones, fives, and tens.  She can add small numbers together and can write and spell so many words.  I don't know how many but I know it is huge.  She almost knows all 35 of her sight words. 

Jackson is the same old boy: busy, adorable, lovable and silly.  He idolized his older brother and copies everything he does.  He copies the way he walks, he copies what he is saying, the way he lays down to watch a movie.  He counted to five tonight in the bathtub.  He is singing the alphabet song and loves to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  He is growing up so fast and has such a wonderful spirit about him.

I wish you were here to help us celebrate my birthday tomorrow.  It will be a bittersweet one without you, the first one I am spending without you.  I wish you were here to spoil me with flowers, going out to eat wherever I want, letting me buy whatever I wanted for gifts.  I always stretched out my birthday with you.  There was always so much happiness around my birthday because I truly felt like your princess.  Now I am sad because I am alone and missing you.  I know you would want me to do whatever I want but deep down I just really want the day to be over so I don't have to think about how you aren't here to celebrate and eat cake with me. 

I miss everything about you, I am sure that will never change.  I want so badly just to squeeze you and talk to you just one last time.  There were so many things I would want to tell you, but I will wait until we are together again. 

We miss you all the way down here on Earth. 

Love, Mommy

How much do I miss you?

Dear Scotty,,
     I can not even begin to express how much I miss you tonight.  You have been such a wonderful husband and father to our beautiful children.  I am still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream.  I find I am missing you at the most random times.  I miss you more at night.  I miss our nights when we used to both lay on a couch and watch absolutely nothing on TV.  I miss you finishing my sentences.  I miss you making the bacon for breakfast on Sunday mornings.  I miss your sweet smile and your voice. I miss your blue eyes. I miss you rubbing your feet or tapping your legs constantly.  I miss our conversations about absolutely nothing.  I miss your warm embrace and sweet words.  I miss everything about you. 
     It is November and I can't help but try to find things to be thankful for.  I am thankful for you for showing me unconditional love.  You loved me through all of my crazy bouts, all of my uncontrollable emotions.  You always spoiled me and I ALWAYS got what I wanted.  It never mattered how much something costs or how much I didn't "need" something, you always found a way to take care of it for me.  I am thankful that we had children.  The kids are a living legend of our love.  I am thankful that I have them here to hold and love.  I am thankful for your family.  They have not turned their back on me.  They love me unconditionally as you did.  I am thankful for prayer and for the Gospel.  I know that God has a plan for my life and right now I am struggling to see the beauty in all of it, but I know that someday I will.  I am thankful for you and all you taught me in our marriage. 

This picture was taken exactly one year ago today.  Wow, how much can change in a year.  We miss you.

     Love you, Love Mommy

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,
     I am learning so much at school and wish you were her so I could read books to you.  My love for books and writing has grown since I started Kindergarten. I love writing and use up so much paper each day writing words.  I wrote my numbers to 100 last week all by myself.  I love school.   Today I got an award from the principal at school.  I am now in the ABC club, which means I know all my letters, upper case and lower case and know all of their sounds.  Wish I could show you my award and button that I put on my backpack.  Love you Daddy, miss you.

Love, Madison