We r doing okay

Dear Scotty,
We are still painfully missing you each day but we find the strength each day to get through all of it. So much has changed since u left. We survived the holidays it wasnt the same without you, seemed all too unreal to me Me and the kids are living in a huge, beautiful, fun house. The kids love to get in the hot tub and go swimming. They can't wait to be able to swim in the big pool. Here are some of the wonderful things Our kids have been doing to make me proud. I think u would be proud too

Madison- absolutely loves school, she is so smart. I heard her counting by 10's all the way to 1000 a few weeks ago. She is my super helper. Tonight she got all the kids in the bath by herself and washed everyone's hair and scrubbed them up because I hurt my back. She still loves paper. Her newest favorite past time is cutting confetti, I find little scraps of paper all over the house but i can't complain because it brings her much joy. She is getting so tall and beautiful. It is hard to believe that she will be 6 years old next month. Her heart still belongs to you. She longs for her daddy's hugs and kisses. She longs for your lap to curl up in and watch tv. She talks a lot about you. Last night i caught her calling you on your cell phone She couldn't understand why you didn't answer.

Carson - he is growing up right before my eyes. He still beats up on his brother quite often. He is learning so much at preschool. He loves going and doesn't give me any trouble when I drop him off in the mornings. He can recognize most letters in the alphabet and can spell his name as well as his brothers name. He loves to play outside. This afternoon we were playing out front and riding bikes. He can ride his big wheel bike so fast that I can only imagine he got that from you. He has never been a real affectionate kid but recently he has been so cute with me. He is so affe tionate to me and I love it. He wants you to come back and I think with time he will understand it is not that easy.

Jackson - what a big boy, we moved and got rid of the high chair and crib. He sleeps in his "big boy bed" quite well. He is talking so much and saying so many cute things. He loves to whisper "hi Mommy" in my ear and kiss me. He loves his grandpa more than anyone else right now. He loves to follow his big brother around and copy everything he says. He is very strong and sticks up for himself. I have had to break up a few fist fights between the boys but not too many. He is our angel, sweet as can be. When someone knocks at the door he will sometimes run to the door screaming "dada". It breaks my heart that it isn't you but brings me joy all the excitement he has in his voice for his daddy.

I am so happy to have three kids to love and have the constant reminder of our love for each other. We have beautiful kids. I am proud to be their mommy. I miss you every day. I have had a few days where I haven't cried just thinking of you or imaging your voice in my head. I don't want to ever forget your voice. It took me almost 4 months to cancel your cell phone because I liked to hear you say your own name on your voicemail. I know it is silly but I enjoyed leaving you voicemail messages.

With a new year Always comes new goals. My goal for 2012 is to find happiness and provide opportunities for our kids to experience joy. I am going to live my life with my head up and proud. I know heavenly father had a plan for us. I still don't know why you left but have faith that someday I will see the reason. You are still my one and only sweetheart and my heart will never be the same. I love you Scotty. I wish I knew what you were doing in heaven and how you are. I know I will see you someday until then. Love ya