A long hard month

Dear Daddy,
     I can't believe this is all happening.  I am still waiting for you to come home.  I am still waiting for another hug and kiss.  I am still waiting for another date or another trip out of town.  I even miss us arguing over little things like the toys being all over the house.  I  miss you so much and am noticing it in all the little things.  I miss that there are no q-tips on the bathroom floor that you thought went into the garbage.  I miss your hair in the sink after you shave.  I miss the underwear and towels on the bathroom floor after a shower.  I miss the dirty dishes in the sink on the days you were home the kids.  I miss the sheets on your side of the bed being off the corner of the mattress from your wild sleep patterns.  I miss you stealing my pillow at night.  I miss yelling at you to turn the loud movies off or to turn off the annoying video games.  Our house is so quiet at night and that is when I miss you the most.  Of all the things I miss I think I miss your voice the most.  It is still in my head and I hope I will never forget it.  I haven't been strong enough to watch home movies yet, but I know your voice is there.  I haven't cancelled your cell phone because I like to listen to your voicemail, all it is is you saying your name, but it is your voice.  I secretly leave you voice mails.  You have given me so much in our marriage and I am eternally grateful.  I just want you here with me.  I MISS YOU. 

I know we will be together again someday, and I look forward to that.

Please keep your eye on our family.  I have been proud how well I am doing with the kids.  They are incredible and keep me smiling and laughing... well last night at 11:30 I wasn't really laughing when Carson kept coming out of his room.  If you were here it would take one sentence "Bubba, I am going to lay with you!" and we wouldn't see him again until morning.  He still doesn't want anyone to lay with him when he goes to bed.  I wish you were here to threaten it so I could go to bed.  I wish you were here to help me get kids pajamas on after baths.  I wish you were here to help get dinner on the table.  I promise I am going to be better about cooking and having real meals as a family, but it has been difficult with the empty chair. 

See you soon Sweetie,
Love Mommy