It is getting rougher

Dear Daddy,
     I thought I was doing better without you, but who am I kidding, I am doing worse.  I miss you so much I can't even explain it.  It has been the longest five weeks of my life, each day just drags on and never seems to fade away.  I wanted to share a few things that have happened this week. 
     Madison was sick with the flu.  I really needed you here for that one, cleaning vomit up at 2:00 am is no feat for a single mother.  She can count and write her numbers to 100.  She loves to write words, but you already knew that.  She is LOVING school and doing well.  She went on her first field trip on the school bus.  They went to our favorite Pumpkin patch, Hillcrest Farms in Reedley.  She got to ride the school bus and said she fell asleep on the bus. 
     Carson is back to loving going to school, well maybe not loving it but not crying when I leave him.  He is getting so grown up.  He loves to spend time alone with me.  Last week we went to John's Incredible Pizza for a lunch date and of course what date isn't complete without a trip to the train store in Clovis.  He went on a field trip today to the pumpkin patch in Madera.  His first real field trip and he hated it.  He was cold and tired and wanted me to hold him the entire two hours. 
     Jack is growing like a weed and talking like crazy.  He is making me so proud to be his mommy.  You would be so proud of how much he has grown since you left us.  He wants to be a big boy.  He doesn't want to sit in the high chair and now eats most of his meals at the big table.  He has been sick with a runny nose for a few days, but seems to be getting better.   Took him to the doctor last week.  I am saddened that the doctor thinks his two front teeth are dead.  He took a good fall, actually 2, after the funeral and really busted up his mouth.  I hope this isn't going to affect his permanent teeth.  I am taking him to the dentist to have them checked out.
     Everyone misses you so much.  We are getting by, but only hanging on by a thread.  I wish you were here to love and hug and hold me.  I have so much sadness in my heart it hurts.  I love you and will post some pictures as soon as I can get a new card reader for the computer.

Love, Mommy